你需要抛开社交网络,了解真实的人际交往技巧

  作者:deam   发布:2017-08-14 22:19   围观:   评论关闭  

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研究表明,每天用社交媒体超过2个小时会使一个人的社会隔离感(isolation)增加一倍。社交媒体上展示他人理想化的生活,可能会产生心理落差感,引发羡慕嫉妒。

“哥本哈根有家幸福研究机构(Happiness Research Institute)之前做了一个控制实验,发现人们仅仅离开了社交网站一周幸福感就有所提升,包括对自己的生活更加满意,社交生活也增多了。”

最近有研究机构发现:社交媒体开始让青少年感到焦虑 Social media is making youngsters more anxious.

Forty per cent said they felt bad if nobody liked their selfie and 35% said their confidence was directly linked to the number of followers they had.

40%的受访者说如果没人点赞他们的自拍,心情会变差,35%的受访者说他们的自信心和粉丝数量有直接的联系。

社交网络中与现实中的生活差异被不断放大,而越来越多年轻人正学着接受这一点。更多的问题随之浮现——人们在社交媒体之外的沟通能力不断倒退。因为社交媒体更多地是鼓励人们表达而非倾听,但沟通势必是双向的信息互换。人类作为群居动物,我们无法独自生存,于是我们需要融入各种圈子,需要真实的社交,也许你并不擅长,没关系,这里有10个小技巧能够助你快速变身万人迷!

1. Use a Person's Name.

叫对方的名字。

Let's face it — we're all huge narcissists and we all love the sound of our own name. Learn names and make use of them. Always use an individual's name in a conversation. This tried-and-true technique is sure to increase your fan base.

我们要面对现实——我们都很自恋,喜欢听别人叫自己的名字,问问别人的名字并且用名字称呼他们,和别人聊天时要经常提到对方的名字。这个行之有效的技巧一定会为你赢得众多粉丝。

2. Smile — With Feeling!

微笑——要发自内心!

When someone offers a huge grin brimming with authenticity, happiness rubs off on its receivers. There have been many studies showing how mood, whether positive or negative, spreads between individuals. If your positive attitude brightens someone else's day, that person will love you for it.

当有人真心实意地微笑时,幸福会感染对方。曾有很多研究表明无论是积极还是消极的情绪都会在人与人之间传递。如果你的积极态度让别人一天都感到幸福,他也会因此爱上你。

3. Listen (Not Just With Your Ears).

倾听(不只是用耳朵)。

It's probably a no-brainer that people will like you more if you listen to them. This starts with ignoring your Twitter feed while out to dinner with friends, but goes a lot further than that. You can show you're listening to someone through body language (positioning your body to face someone and mirroring his or her stance), eye contact (giving plenty of it), and verbal confirmation (we'll talk more about this next).

如果你聆听别人的倾诉,他们就会更喜欢你,这件事可能很好理解。你可以从跟朋友出去吃饭时不看推特做起,但你需要做的还有很多。你可以用肢体语言(身体要面向对方模仿对方的姿势)、眼神交流(这个要有很多)和言语上的确认(我们接下来要多聊聊这件事)来表明你在听对方说话。

4. Use Verbal Confirmation.

言语确认。

Most psychology books refer to this technique as "active listening." Active listening revolves around demonstrating your listening skills by repeating segments of what an individual has said to you.

大多数心理学书籍把这个称为“积极倾听”。积极倾听围绕的是通过重复对方的一部分话来证明你的倾听技巧。

In speech this kind of dialogue can actually go a long way to make people like you more. It makes the other individual feel as though you really are paying attention. Plus, people love to hear their own words echoed back at them as it pats their egos a bit.

在实际对话中这种对话能继续下去并使人们更喜欢你。这会使对方感觉你真的很投入,此外,人们喜欢听到他们的话被附和,这能提高他们的自信。

5. Conversation Recall: Prove You're Paying Attention.

对话回想:证明你在注意听。

To really show someone you've been paying attention, try bringing up a topic that the person mentioned earlier. Did your co-worker talk about working with his son on a science fair project last week? Follow up and ask how it went. They don’t have to be big, life-changing events. In fact, sometimes it says more that you can recall and show interest in even the small happenings in another person's life.

为了真正表明你在注意听,你可以试着提出对方之前提过的话题。你的同事谈论上周和他儿子一起参加科学展览了?你可以接着这个话题问问他展览怎么样。他们说的可能都不是威胁生命的大事,其实有时你能回忆起他们说的话、甚至对对方生活里的小事都感兴趣才更有说服力。

6. Handle Criticism With Tact.

批评要委婉。

While you want to be generous with your praise, be stingy with your criticism. People have delicate egos, and even a slight word of condemnation can wound someone's pride. If someone makes an error, don't call that person out in front of a group. Consider praising before and after a criticism.

虽然赞扬时不该吝啬,但批评别人时要注意。人们的自尊心都很脆弱,即使一点点指责都会伤害到人的自尊。如果有人犯错误了,不要当着一群人的面说出来。你可以考虑在批评前后都称赞对方。

Another strategy for diplomatically dispensing corrections is to begin by discussing your own mistakes before digging into someone else's errors. Ultimately, aim to be always gentle with criticism and only offer it when it's truly needed.

另外一个委婉纠正别人的方法就是先说说自己的错误,然后再深究别人的错误。你的最终目的就是要委婉地批评,真有必要时才给予指正。

7. Be a Real Person, Not a Robot.

做一个真正的人,不做机器人。

People like to see character and authenticity. Try to be confident but respectful. Some cooperation experts suggest stepping toward a person and bending slightly forward when you're introduced, in a gesture of a bow. These kinds of gestures can go a long way toward making people think more highly of you.

人们喜欢看到个性和真实的一面,努力表现得自信但有礼貌。一些合作专家建议你朝一个人走去,把你介绍给别人时你要微微俯身,做出鞠躬的姿势。这些姿势都有助于别人对你作出更高评价。

8. Become an Expert in Storytelling.

善于讲故事。

People love a good story, and great stories require sophisticated storytellers. Storytelling is an art form that requires understanding of language and pacing. Master the fine oral tradition of storytelling and people will flock to you like you're The Bard.

人们都喜欢好故事,好故事也要有擅长的人来讲。讲故事是一门艺术,需要对语言的理解并注意语速。掌握这种好的口述故事方法,人们就会聚集在你身边奉你为诗人。

9. Ask for advice.

征求意见。

Asking someone for advice is, somewhat surprisingly, a great strategy for getting people to like you. Asking for advice shows that you value the other individual's opinion and demonstrates respect. Everyone likes to feel needed and important. When you make someone feel better about himself or herself, that person will most certainly end up liking you for it.

有点意外吧,向别人征求意见很容易让别人喜欢上你。征求意见表明你看重他们的想法也能显示你的尊重。每个人都喜欢被需要以及他们很重要的感觉,你让别人自我感觉更好了,他最终也会因此喜欢你的。

10. Ask questions.

问问题。

Asking other people questions — about their lives, their interests, their passions — is a surefire way to get brownie points in their friendship books. People are egocentric — they love to talk about themselves. If you're asking questions and getting people to talk about themselves, they'll leave the conversation thinking you're the coolest. Even if the conversation didn't really give the other person a reason to like you, he or she will think better of you subconsciously just for indulging this or her ego.

问别人一些关于它们生活、兴趣或爱好的问题是赢得友谊屡试不爽的方法。人们都以自我为中心——他们喜欢讨论自己。如果你问问题,让他们谈论关于自己的事,聊完天的时候他们会觉着你真好。即使对话内容真的没法让对方喜欢上你,但就因为沉浸在这种自我价值感里,他或她在潜意识里也会对你印象更好。

--------------------------

那么如何沟通才能让人心服口服呢?来看看具体的例子吧!

If you don't believe that it pays to think beforeyou speak, let me show you what a difference theright language tweakcan make.

如果你不相信三思而后言的说法,那就让我来告诉你“说对话”和“说错话”的区别有多大。

You know the difference between "I need morehelp around the house" and "You're so lazy," right?One is artful diplomacythe other, like bringing in thetanks. But the strategy involved in getting yourpoint across also applies to individual words. Forinstance, if you're.

“我需要你帮忙收拾下屋子”和“你真是懒死了”,这两句话的区别你总能分辨得出来吧?前者是带有艺术感的外交辞令,后者则是挑起骂战的说法。不过,把话说到点子上的策略可以具体到每个用词上,比如:

...Offering constructive criticism

想要提供建设性意见

Instead of: "You did a nice job, but the report needs to be finished."

与其说:“你做得不错,但是记得把报告做完。”

Try: "You did a nice job, and the report needs to be finished."

不如说:“你做得不错,也请记得把报告做完。”

The subtext: No matter how positive the first part of the statement, the “but” negatesit. “But” might as well stand for “Beholdthe Underlying Truth”. Once people hear it, they're justwaiting for the bad news。

潜台词:无论首句表达的意思多么积极,只要用了“但是”就否定了一切。一旦说话中出现了“但是”,就表示“注意说话人的话中话”。因此,一旦人们听到了“但是”,他们就会等着听后面的坏消息了。

...Asking your spouse to change a behavior

想要请求伴侣做出改变

Instead of: "Will you stop smoking for my sake?"

与其说:“你能不能为了我戒烟?”

Try: "Will you stop smoking for the sake of the kids?"

不如说:“你能不能为了孩子戒烟?”

The subtext: Your spousemay resentyour wanting to change his ways—and use thatresentment as an excuse not to change. Putting the focus on a third party removes you fromthe equation. And focusing on children makes people think in terms of their ideal selves。

潜台词:你的伴侣可能已经厌烦了你总是期望他能改变,然后就用这种厌烦情绪来作为拒绝改变的借口。既然如此,那就就把焦点放在第三方,让自己从等式的两边摆脱出来。而把焦点放在孩子身上,会使人产生一种变成“理想的我”的想法。

...Presenting a problem to your boss

想要向老板提出问题

Instead of: "They have issues with the sales staff."

与其说:“他们觉得销售人员有问题。”

Try: "We have issues with the sales staff."

不如说:“我们觉得销售人员有问题。”

The subtext: Replacing “they” with “we” can change your outlookand the viewpoint ofothers. After all, if we're not part of the solution, we're part of the problem。

潜台词:用“我们”来代替“他们”可以改变你的立场和其他人的观点。毕竟,如果我们不是解决问题的一方,那就是制造问题的一方了。

...Trying to make someone see your side

想要别人理解你的观点

Instead of: "I know you wanted to surprise me, but changing our plans without warning mewas stupid."

与其说:“我知道你想给我一个惊喜,但是不事先通知我们就改变计划,这么做很愚蠢。”

Try: "I know you wanted to surprise me, but changing our plans without warning me wasnot helpful."

不如说:“我知道你想给我一个惊喜,但是不事先通知我们就改变计划,这么做帮助不大。”

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